Friday, February 03, 2012

How it all began...

January, 2012.  I open my email and find these words staring back at me...

Congratulations! London 2012 Ceremonies are pleased to inform you that you have been successful in your audition to become a Ceremonies Volunteer Performer in the London 2012 Olympic Games Opening or Closing Ceremonies. We hope that you are able to accept this once in a lifetime opportunity to be part of a global event that expresses and celebrates the passion and creativity of the United Kingdom in front of the entire world.

My husband had received his acceptance letter weeks ago, and while I was thrilled for him, I was also gutted.  I'm the one who had signed him up, and encouraged him to try out.  I'm the one who had a 'good job no matter what' gift ready for him when he came home.  *I* should have had that place!

My audition had gone well - as a former theatre artist (my degree is in acting), I could jazz hands and 'give face' with the best of them, but on the other side...well, I was big.  Really big.

In junior high I was a cheerleader, and in high school I was on swim team. At 155 pounds (70.5 kilos for the metric among you), I was wide (I have broad shoulders), but the weight hung well on me.  Unfortunately, everything changed in college.  My freshman 15 was a freshman 40 that never left, and by the time I graduated I was consistently hovering around the 210 mark.  However, I was very active, working as an arts educator for my full time job, and I felt while not healthy, at least reasonably okay about my weight.  Unfortunately, when I was 28 my life took a turn for the worse.  I was diagnosed as bipolar, and put on a drug that both saved me and killed me - Symbyax.  A drug that combined the metabolizing destroying properties of Zyprexa with the pound packing punch of Prozac.  In a year and a half, I gained 82 lbs.  I was perilously close to the big 300.  I was...ugh.  Constant pain, shortness of breath, depression, and everything else that comes along with a body that feels like it was dragging me down.  I got off Symbyax, but couldn't shake the weight.  I tried some of the biggest name products out there - Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Power 90, Slim in 6, weight bands, that crappy little wheel thingie you use to do adjusted push ups with.  That doesn't even take into account the myriad of herbal supplements, 'cleansing' kits, and other capsules full of seaweed, cardboard, and cat poop if their flavor on the way down was to be believed.  I took 40 lbs off in a few years, and then promptly found a great guy, moved halfway around the world to marry him, and got knocked up.  Hello, weight gain again.

So here we are.  I don't even know how much I weigh - I have an appt at my doctors, so I can talk to them about healthy options before I start exercise and eating.  I have several things to contend with, including:

  • Bipolar - both the emotional/hormonal changes concerning weight loss, as well as the meds I am currently on
  • Asthma - currently managed with ventolin inhaler
  • Allergies - seasonal, but kill my lung capacity
  • Past back injury - I broke 4 vertebrae in an accident when I was 19, and still have slight mobility issues

BUT, I have a lot going for me, such as

  • Kid and hubby I want to be around in the next few years for
  • Very supportive inferstructure 
  • This blog
  • My doctors, including regular practician, psychiatrist, and therapist
  • The fact that my fat ass is going to be seen by a billion or so people around the world in a few months.  

Next week, we begin.  Because come summer of 2012, whether I am ready or not, the lights of the world will be shining on me.

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