The Curse of the Yummy Mummy

(for D!)

I have been blessed to have some amazing fellow mothers in my journey of Mummyhood - my birthing group.  A fantastic bunch of ladies, each one compassionate, creative, successful, and witty.  There is only one problem:

THEY ARE ALL GORGEOUS.

Even pregnant they were all sticks with bumps, whereas I?  I looked like the Stay Puft Marshmellow man from Ghostbusters.  Within 6 weeks of their births, they were all back down to their baby weight, and I was actually starting to GAIN weight!  When we go out now, it looks like the cast of Bridesmaids.

Like the Ascent of Man, but with Hotness.  

And I understand that I have no one to blame but myself here, when they were doing buggy aerobics I was sitting on the couch snarfing Toblerone, but dayum if it isn't a tough pill to swallow to see the people who were the exact same body type I was (preggers) at the exact same time, and to see how far forward they have gone, versus how far backwards I have come.  

It's okay though, I'm getting there.  See, I have to remember that everyone has issues.  Everyone.  And while their issues may not be weight, it may be something else.  We all have baggage;  mine just happens to be 2 Samsonite thighs and a belly that would not fit in the overhead compartment.

We start rehearsals in about a month or so for the Olympic games.  I'm ridiculously excited.  Exercise I actually ENJOY doing, versus when I look at the Wii now and groan with boredom.  And this week I basically haven't eaten (which I know is bad, I've just been sick), so I can start slowly with some yummy choices.  AND, now that the weather isn't icky all the time, I can take baby out for way more long walks like when he was little (I was averaging 5 miles walked a day with him during the summer!).  So, we're on the upswing.  Maybe by June I'll get to Kristen Wiig hotness.  Maybe.

How it all began...

January, 2012.  I open my email and find these words staring back at me...

Congratulations! London 2012 Ceremonies are pleased to inform you that you have been successful in your audition to become a Ceremonies Volunteer Performer in the London 2012 Olympic Games Opening or Closing Ceremonies. We hope that you are able to accept this once in a lifetime opportunity to be part of a global event that expresses and celebrates the passion and creativity of the United Kingdom in front of the entire world.

My husband had received his acceptance letter weeks ago, and while I was thrilled for him, I was also gutted.  I'm the one who had signed him up, and encouraged him to try out.  I'm the one who had a 'good job no matter what' gift ready for him when he came home.  *I* should have had that place!

My audition had gone well - as a former theatre artist (my degree is in acting), I could jazz hands and 'give face' with the best of them, but on the other side...well, I was big.  Really big.

In junior high I was a cheerleader, and in high school I was on swim team. At 155 pounds (70.5 kilos for the metric among you), I was wide (I have broad shoulders), but the weight hung well on me.  Unfortunately, everything changed in college.  My freshman 15 was a freshman 40 that never left, and by the time I graduated I was consistently hovering around the 210 mark.  However, I was very active, working as an arts educator for my full time job, and I felt while not healthy, at least reasonably okay about my weight.  Unfortunately, when I was 28 my life took a turn for the worse.  I was diagnosed as bipolar, and put on a drug that both saved me and killed me - Symbyax.  A drug that combined the metabolizing destroying properties of Zyprexa with the pound packing punch of Prozac.  In a year and a half, I gained 82 lbs.  I was perilously close to the big 300.  I was...ugh.  Constant pain, shortness of breath, depression, and everything else that comes along with a body that feels like it was dragging me down.  I got off Symbyax, but couldn't shake the weight.  I tried some of the biggest name products out there - Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Power 90, Slim in 6, weight bands, that crappy little wheel thingie you use to do adjusted push ups with.  That doesn't even take into account the myriad of herbal supplements, 'cleansing' kits, and other capsules full of seaweed, cardboard, and cat poop if their flavor on the way down was to be believed.  I took 40 lbs off in a few years, and then promptly found a great guy, moved halfway around the world to marry him, and got knocked up.  Hello, weight gain again.

So here we are.  I don't even know how much I weigh - I have an appt at my doctors, so I can talk to them about healthy options before I start exercise and eating.  I have several things to contend with, including:

• Bipolar - both the emotional/hormonal changes concerning weight loss, as well as the meds I am currently on
• Asthma - currently managed with ventolin inhaler
• Allergies - seasonal, but kill my lung capacity
• Past back injury - I broke 4 vertebrae in an accident when I was 19, and still have slight mobility issues

BUT, I have a lot going for me, such as

• Kid and hubby I want to be around in the next few years for
• Very supportive inferstructure 
• This blog
• My doctors, including regular practician, psychiatrist, and therapist
• The fact that my fat ass is going to be seen by a billion or so people around the world in a few months.  

Next week, we begin.  Because come summer of 2012, whether I am ready or not, the lights of the world will be shining on me.